Sleep My Baby
by My-own-tears
Summary: Four years after Relena's death, Heero finds himself carefully weighing his options. Will joining Relena outweigh remaining alive for his children? And will Relena let him die when she knows he still has so much left for him?


**_Red roses, tiny sparrows, come it's bright and new  
All belong together with the mystery that is you_**  
  
November-AC 207  
Heero smiled as he leaned against the screen door, looking out the window at the playset that little Daniel Winner had in his backyard. A shadow cast over his heart, watching his own four-year-old daughter Aki scramble around playing with his other friends' children. Matty Barton, Duo Maxwell (jr), Daniel Winner, Yinmei Chang (The oldest) and Leun and Mulan Chang, the fraternal twins, were all Aki's friends, despite her being the youngest. Yinmei was 9, Duo and Matty were 6 and Mulan, Leun and Daniel were all 5. He sighed as he watched her (with a careful eye of course) jump around and swing on the wooden swings in her favorite blue capris and a white tank top with a blue umbrella on it. He almost laughed as little Duo, who was a carbon copy of his father, offered to push her and she nearly murdered him. He had been around her long enough to know that her actions towards Duo, athough she may chase him around the backyard screaming "OMAE O KOROSU" at the top of her lungs, that she would never hurt him.  
"She looks like her mother."  
Heero turned around to see the ever silent, ever (sneaky) Trowa standing behind him. He gave him a wry smile.  
"Yeah, well, it's not like Matty looks like you."  
"It's something I often reprimand Midii about."  
Heero smirked. "And?"  
"And she always responds with, 'half of his looks were decided by you, for your smart-ass information, Trowa.'"  
Heero chuckled, and looked back out the window. Aki was now chasing  
little Duo around the yard screaming, "OMAE O KOROSU, BRAIDED BAKA!" Her  
long chocolate brown hair flying out behind her. Her hair was not wild, like his,  
but straight and beautiful like Relena's.  
_Relena. . .  
_He swallowed the lump forming in his throat.  
_I wish you could see her. . .she's so beautiful. . .like you. . .  
_  
**_When I see your little face I hear a song from long ago  
I think you know the many secrets I've forgotten  
Generations through the ages joined as one somehow  
Leading to the miracle that I am holding now  
_**  
"Does she remember?"  
"No. . .no, I don't think so."  
"So what are you going to tell her?"  
Heero turned his head to confront the new voice. There was Duo, his best friend, who was serious for  
once, staring at Heero with his cheery mask discarded and forgotten.  
"I. . I don't know."  
"Well, you just can't tell her some people have mommies and some people don't."  
"I KNOW that!"  
Duo blinked and Trowa took a step back at Heero's harsh tone. Heero sighed.  
"I'm sorry, Duo. I just. . .I'm just not over that yet, okay?"  
Trowa's voice was soft. "You know, it's okay to cry."  
"No. I promised her I wouldn't cry, Trowa."  
"Heero-"  
"OMAE O KOROSU! YOU WENT TOO FAR THIS TIME!!"  
All three adults looked out the window to see a clearly-mad Aki chasing little (hysterically laughing) Duo around the yard. She was wearing a wreath of maple leaves in her hair. Mulan was situated on the swings, hands over her crystal blue eyes, and Leun was watching the chase over her shoulder. Matty was seated at the head of the slide, screaming "CATCH HIM, AKI! RUN, DUO, RUN!" and Daniel was yelling at them to break it up, that Duo didn't mean it Aki, and you shouldn't do stuff like that Duo. However the chase was interrupted with Dorothy and Hilde opening the sliding door and saying that lunch was ready, come and get it. All six children bolted to the door. Heero smiled. Looking down at the kids, he could only see their heads and they looked like multi-colored dots. One was platinum blonde, one was dark chocolate brown, one was a lighter color of brown, one could be classified as light brown or dirty blonde, and three kids had heads full of thick black hair. He chuckled, remembering how Sally often complained that neither of her and Wufei's children looked like her, they all looked like him. Save Yinmei and Mulan who had bluish-silvery eyes. He walked back out onto the porch, where Quatre and Wufei were seated with their wives. All were there, except, save one beautiful woman. . .  
  
**_From the sky and from the sea upon a breeze you came to me  
You seem to see a greater universe than I do. . ._**  
  
"Otouchan, am I allowed to have ice cream??" Aki inquired after lunch, tugging at her father's hand. Heero faked a pout as he stared down at his daughter.  
"What, and not spend time with Daddy?"  
"'touchan, they have _chocolate_!!" Aki cried in Japanese, forgetting to speak English.   
"Ouch, Aki-chan, that hurts! Yes, you can have some ice cream."  
He smiled as Aki's face lit up and watched her as she ran over to the kid's table where Dorothy was scooping ice cream into plastic blue, red, green and yellow bowls. As soon as each kid received their ice cream they retreated to the swing set, sitting on the swings (Aki, Yinmei and Mulan) , the fort (Daniel and Leun), the monkey bars. . .(Matty and Duo, he finally got up there after much struggling although it wasn't a problem for Matty).   
Heero sighed, remembering how much of a fright it was when Relena was pregnant with Aki. It wasn't because he didn't want a family, it was because he had learned that the chemicals chemicals that had been placed in his body when he was a child to enhance his accuracy could affect his unborn child. Luckily, Aki had been born 'normal' and was actually perfectly healthy. Perfectly and unusually healthy. Because of the strange mix of chemicals inside her body, Akiko (as her mother had named her) was much stronger than normal children her age. Ordinary things such as tugging on her fathers hand, playing a sport or even clutching a spoon in her fist were affected. Heero's fingers popped out of their sockets once in a while, spoons got bent into distortion, kickballs got flung over the roof never to be seen again. But with time Aki was learning to control her strength. And Heero felt that it was mixing abnormal body chemicals like his with a normal human's, like Relena, may have caused her early death. He fought back the constant tears tugging at the corners of his eyes and looked at his angel on the swings. After two hours of playing Aki came to him claiming she was tired. He carried her up to the room she was currently staying in at the Winner mansion, placing her down on the bed and covering her with haru-san, Ms. Spring, a blanket that had been given to her when she was two. She affectionately called it Haru-san because of the embroidered blue flowers all over it. He smiled sadly, looking at her sleeping on the bed so peacefully. But there was nothing that anyone could do to fill in the deep hole in his heart which was missing his Relena. . .  
  
**_Sleep my baby, sleep my baby  
Dream of somewhere far away, do you remember still  
How I hope you always will,  
Keep a memory of the day the world was born_**  
  
_She opened her aquamarine eyes and stared at him, sleeping in the chair with  
his head bent, his arms crossed. She smiled.  
"Heero" she whispered.  
That was enough to wake him up, and he was by her side in an instant, taking  
her thin, cold hand in his.  
She drew in a deep, shuddering breath and the lines on the heart monitor  
jumped for an instant. When she had calmed down, she fixed her gaze on Heero  
with glazed-over eyes.  
"Aki-chan wa?"  
Heero shushed her. "She's with Duo and Hilde, don't try to talk, tenshi."  
Relena shook her head.  
"I have to say this. Heero, please promise me something. When I die. . .when  
I die, please don't cry."  
Heero shook his head, lowering his eyes. He couldn't meet her gaze, not when he knew what she was going to say. Not when he knew after she was gone he would still have to live on.  
"No, Relena, don't say this, please-"  
"Heero." Her voice was quiet yet stern."Promise me you will not stand at my grave and cry for me. Can you please promise me this?" As if contrasting her words, tears filled her eyes. "Even after I'm gone, Aki and Ryosuke will need you. Please be strong, Heero. Not just for me, for our children."  
Heero lifted his head to stare into her eyes for a moment, and then lowered his eyes once again.  
"You don't know how hard this is for me, Relena."  
She ran a shaky hand through his deep brown hair.  
"I know. . .I know I don't have much time left. And I know the truth, Heero. But please, Heero, say it for me one more time." She stared into his Prussian blue eyes with her glazed-over aqua eyes.  
Do you even need to ask, Heero thought. Placing a gentle kiss on her lips, he whispered quietly,  
"Aishiteru, Relena."  
"Watashi mo, .Heero. . .Let Ryosuke and Aki know the same.. .I love you both so much, and I'll wait for you. . .forever. . ."  
The lines on the monitor fell flat, and Heero bit his lower lip, trying not to cry.  
'I'll be strong. I won't cry for you, Relena. I promise you.'_  
  
**_When you wake up I'll be waiting, eager for your smile.  
You've had quite a journey, darling, you should rest awhile.  
when you cry we still rejoice to hear your voice, oh yes it's true, my sweet angel,  
please understand how much we love you  
_**  
Heero made his way into the kitchen and seated himself on a chair. he held his head in his hands and drew in a deep, shuddering breath. After Relena had died when Aki was just born, suicide came into his mind often. Once he had slit his wrist, and Duo had taken him to the hospital. The first thing he did  
after Heero was outside was punch him across the face. Hard.   
_"How could you?! Did you even think about your son and your daughter? Huh?! Did you even give a damn thought to you're children, huh?! Your so inconsiderate, taking your life without a thought for your loved ones. Ever since the damn wars. . ."  
Heero drew in a deep breath. "I.. .I'm sorry. . ."  
"Sorry? Sorry won't take back what you just did, Heero! Sorry won't make that scar on your wrist vanish, will it? Will it, Heero?!"  
The guilt and shame in Heero's eyes quickly turned to anger that was derived from raw sorrow.  
"Yeah, well, how would you feel if Hilde had died? How would you feel if you knew that the one person you loved most in this world was gone, never to return, only to leave you to drown in your own sorrow?! How would you feel, Duo?! Only then will you know what I'm going through!" _  
Heero buried his face further in his hands.  
"My angel's gone. . .God took my angel away from me. . .I don't know how I made it this far without her. . ."  
He still couldn't believe that she was gone, that he would never hear her sweet voice again, her gentle gaze and touch would never again wake him, she would never dry any tears shed over his past. He really was drowning, in an endless bitter sea of sorrow. He dazedly fixed his gaze on the stairs that he had just descended. His whisper faded unheard into the air around him.  
"Sleep well, my baby. . ."  
  
**_Sleep my baby, sleep my baby  
Later on perhaps you'll tell  
The wondrous things you see,  
More miraculous than dreams,  
Tell me all about the day the world was born_**  
  
He left the notes on the kitchen table, wondering if this was the right thing, if this was truly the way out.   
It doesn't matter now. If I don't end this now sooner or later I'll just drown in my own tears.   
There had been two notes, one to his friends and the other to his daughter. There were seldom things that were different, except that the one to his friends, more specifically to Duo, had been written in English. The second had been in Japanese to his daughter, using the most difficult kanji she wouldn't know until her early years of high school. Both notes apologized for his selfishness, his insecurity and for tarnishing them with his own sins and his depression. The last words in Aki's note were begging her to forgive him for what he was about to do and to remember that he loved her to death, no matter what anyone else says.  
Taking the knife, he drew in a deep breath and sliced a deep gash in his palm. He stumbled forward a bit, placing the bloody knife next to the note on the table.  
_I'm so sorry, Aki. . .please forgive me, I love you so much, but this is the only way for me to really be happy. .. _  
**_Or is it?_**  
Darkness came swift and quick.  
Midii found him later that day when she came into the kitchen to return the ice cream bowls. She gasped, backing against the wall, the ice cream bowls slipping from her hands and shattering against the floor.  
"T-Trowa. . .TROWA! DUO!"  
They both came running into the kitchen, along with Quatre. All stopped when they found Heero. Trowa ran to get Sally while Duo attempted to stop the blood gushing from his palm. Midii slid down the wall while Quatre called the ambulance. Trowa came back with Sally, Wufei and Hilde, who was the  
strongest-stomached woman there besides Sally. She tried to help Sally saunch the blood flow, trying to do their best before the ambulance arrived. When he was taken to the hospital, Sally and Duo went with them while most people followed in the cars.   
Trowa sighed, still back in the kitchen, when he heard a whimper behind him. Trowa turned and saw Midii backed against the wall, arms around herself, tears in her eyes. Trowa slid down next to her and pulled her into his arms, letting her sob into his shoulder.  
"Daddy?"  
Trowa looked up to see Matty peering into the kitchen with Duo and Daniel behind him.  
"What's wrong, Matty?" Trowa replied while gently rocking Midii.  
"Where. . .Where's Aki-chan?"  
"Upstairs, she's asleep."  
Matty bit his lower lip, and concern flashed in Duo's eyes.  
"Matty, go outside and play." Trowa whispered quietly.  
Matty nodded and grabbed his two friends by the wrist dragging them outside.  
"D'ya think Mr. Yuy's gonna be alright??"  
"I dunno." Matty said as he got on one swing and started to swing. Duo took the seat next to him and Daniel sat on the edge of the fort floorboards looking thoughtful. Meanwhile, Matty was singing and swinging.  
"It's like the dream you try to remember but it's gone,  
Then you try to scream it only comes out as a yawn  
When you try to see the world behind your front door,  
Take your times the way that they'll tend ta make ya smile,  
When you realize that this may all take awhile,  
Just ta try to figure out what all this is for,  
Pinch me, pinch me, cuz I'm still, asleep,  
Please God, tell me, that I'm still asleep. . ."  
Matty sighed and stopped swinging, looking up at the first hints of stars that were blinking through the twilight.  
  
**_Sleep my baby, sleep my baby  
Dream of somewhere far away,  
Do you remember still  
How I hope you always will,  
Keep the memory of the day the world was born_**  
  
2 years later-November AC 209  
"Papa! I'm going to school!" Aki called, sliding her shoes on. Heero peered into the foyer, looking his daughter over and making sure that Ryosuke was standing next to his little sister..  
"Do you two have anything?"   
"Um. . .pen, enpitsu, keishigomu, noto, kanji no hon, kanji renshuu. . .hai!" Aki said, peering into her bag.  
Heero smirked, "Bentou?"  
Aki made a face. "Nai."  
Heero almost laughed as Aki ran into the kitchen to get her lunch, picking up Ryosuke's as well.  
"Are you going to stop by and see Duo on your way to school?"  
Aki shrugged. "Since the Amerikajin don't have school on Saturday, maybe for a little while."  
"Just be careful of traffic. I have to go into the office today, so I won't be home until around three." He shifted his glance to his 11-year-old son.  
"Watch your sister."  
Ryosuke nodded, placing an arm around Aki's shoulders as she stared up at her father.  
"Papa? Since school ends at 2:20, can I stay at Mulan's house until then?"   
"But doesn't Mulan have Chinese school with her brother and sister?"  
"Her's is over at 1:30 since they start at 8:00."  
Heero shrugged. "I guess it's okay, just make sure it's okay with Mulan's parents. Hurry up, Ryosuke's already outside."  
Aki nodded and ran into the foyer, picking up her bookbag.   
"Itte kimasu!" As she passed the small table near the foyer she picked up her mother's picture and smiled.  
"Itte kimasu, mama!" She set the picture down and waved to her father before disappearing out the door.  
  
  
~Dylan~ 


End file.
